disappointment

im so disappointed. in you. who always seem like a steady mountain with a strong foundation. your image was so close to perfection..

and then it shattered.

today was a horrible day, except you can count out those fun and laughter in class. what? my bag was stolen, or maybe it was a prank, but i really worried and was on the verge of tears. well, maybe not that dramatic, but i could really feel the stress on my poor heart and the next thing i knew i may be on the ground. and then we get locked out for egeog. gosh the day was terrible cos i thought something nasty was going to happen to us. one day i'll get a heart attack. must work out the way for a healthier lifestyle. and im still suffering from the after-effects of the 1.2 yesterday. i really deproved. getting lazy. motivation!

and then somebody had to add on to the burden.

i'm really so disappointed in you. i always thought you were trusty and i could be able to share my sadness with you. it turned out that i was wrong. and i'm disappointed in myself too. i don't know clearly what i want. nobody likes to frown, but there's just something that will spoil your day. and i want to say, i'm not a dog. you don't order me around like how you treat a dog. i have unhappiness and you seem not to notice. i don't know whether you are pretending or this is the real you, but get it clear that i'm like you and i want to be respected. i'm not the earth which you step on, and then you repay the kindness of the earth which nourished your crops by trampling on it and pouring poisonous waste into it.

i am not your clown. i don't have a switch to turn on or off. "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" Britney's song. what i need is not you, but time.