trng

first day trainin today. overall was ok but i din enjoy it. personal problem. dont like sittin like v formally for so long. formally not in whole person straight like pencil liddat. its like, erm cant sit casually? aiya anw my position aft a while will gt quite uncomf. yea so its kinda erm haha?

ok rewind rewind rewind!!

woke up early(7.30am) n ate breakfast. 2 slices of bread specially. usually i only eat one:D cos i gt a feelin i might skip lunch(it always happens with these kind of things) dad specially took leave to fetch me to that trng place. its in queenstown! &i dno the mrt was green line! suaku me tot that it was red line so i tot nid to change at cityhall, n cityhall is well-known(in my encyclopedia) for being crowded AA(anytime always). k so back to topic, reached n erm gt lost, as in dno which room to report to. in e end settled down n thr were hell loads of ppl! but all i dno de;( felt so misplaced(i always do when im alone durin this kind of occasion) &nt to mention my hair. bloody mistake to wear that black shirt cos its erm... aiya dno how to say but din feel too comf. yea n position. so altho e trainer was engagin interestin n creative(to some extent), i wasnt feelin too well. e worst part was lunch break. tea breaks in btwn were ok altho i was stonin too. everybody went for lunch at nearby hawker centre or coffeeshop. i followed them. then when i reached, a sudden destructive pounding wave hit me n swept me off my feet. NONO nt e real transverse wave or longitudinal wave or whatever, but emotional waves. the feelin of loneliness was simply overwhelmin. din feel like eatin anymore so i turned back. but the trngs until 5.30! n hell its only like 12plus then! so i walked arnd, sashayed down the park connector road(yea rite) n decidin whether i shud go eat. went hawker agn but really cudnt bring myself to eat(now eatin sounds like a really tedious n difficult chore!) but no i dont know why! its like last time, in sch, i use to eat alone, walk alone n everything, n things are fine. but now i simply cant eat alone, in a hawker centre! oh great, another stupid psychological problem of mine.(why do i keep havin these problems? first loner, second feelin of misplacemnt n yea still gt!! im a problem kid man!) HAHAHA NO! yea but in e end i din eat. so u can imagine me sittin in that room feelin hungry. to add on to my :(, the rooms terribly cold. alrite nt THAT terrible, but then agn smths seriously wrong with me. i gt a sweater/jacket/whatever u call that long-sleeved shirt with a zipper right inside my bag n at one instant i wanted to pull it out n drape over my freezin self. but i dint. smth was kinda stoppin me n i dno what. my "inner self"?

bringin bread tmr i think. then eatin alone agn;( seriously i dont feel like continuing e job but u get paid for listening to someone talk! haha but no i just dont feel emotionally gd. cant make frens, totally nt my kind of ideal job. n i cant really be close to strangers. i mean hi n bye is basic, yea then? worst if that stranger-fren is quiet n introverted too. then u'll be watchin two logs starin at one another with that standard smile on eachs faces.

tmr still gt trainin. heard its the hands on part. guess i'll TRY to stick with this job for a month, until end of dec. then i dno. hope i'll have some fun workin n nt pull on a long face everyday! yea customer service. &actually i gt quite a lot more to blog but they r quite useless crap, as in those lame things, nt so important, nt the core but rather like the decorations that kinda? tired. &i seriously nid shoes! hope to change jobs but who wants to hire a kid who can commit for a month or so n know nth except tb knowledge?

&i hate myself for behavin like a block of wood.

OI! BEEN WAITIN LONG LE EH! OUTINGS LEH? WHR ARE MY OUTINGS? WHO HID THEM OR WHAT? but i guess this week cannt bah? or aftn? nxt week nt sure eh! hahah but sunday sure can de la. but sunday like, nt v appropriate? ok then, byebye outings, so long until we have time.